So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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