oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
