ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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