i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize