So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
