Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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