i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
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he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
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I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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