Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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