I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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