wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
