He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
