you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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