don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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