currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
