just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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