take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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