HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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