i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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