Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
