i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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