I wish I could teleport
He told me they were just razor bumps!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she peed on how many people?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
