don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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