I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
