Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
