I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
