I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
