He had one of those small greek statue penises
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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