One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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