btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
