so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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