the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
