I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
