Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.