His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now