Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
party gras won. party gras always wins.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly