and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.