i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
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no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
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I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....