Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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