I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
