I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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