Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
