okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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