I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
