i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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