Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize