I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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