new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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