U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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