There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
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I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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