I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
last night I used snow as a chaser
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize