After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
