Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
