Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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