it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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