Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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