Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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