Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
