I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
