dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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