This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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