dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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