i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I have aggressive nipples.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
