I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
